Making Your Home Your Sacred Space

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It took many years to make my home a place that is sacred.  It is now a place of safety.  A place of nurturing and warmth.  It is a place of integrity and compassion.  It is filled with laughter and humor.  It is a place I can melt into, soften and be vulnerable.  It is a place where I am held.

It’s Not About Money or Things

 You can make your home a sacred space too.  It doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor.  It doesn’t matter if your home is big or small.  It’s not about money or things.  Even the smallest, most sparse home can feel warm, welcoming and safe.  It is about how you FILL the space.  How you treat yourself in this space.  How others are treated, and who you allow into your sacred space.  It is about the values you and the others in your home are committed to uphold.

I have been physically abused.  I have been emotionally abused.  I have allowed this to happen in my home.  I have verbally abused others in my home.  I have been mean and a bully.  I have lived in fear, and therefore have tried to intimidate and control.  My major turning points (as I continue to evolve) were when I was pregnant with my first child, when I started therapy and began creating my Curious Observer, and when I went to the Barbara Brennan School of Healing.   During these major transitions in my life I began to ask myself two questions:  “What kind of home do I want my children to grow up in?  What kind of home do I want to live in?”

 Take a moment and ask yourself these questions.  Envision your home as your sacred space in your mind.  What does it look like?  What does it smell like?  What does it feel like?  What is important for you to have in your home?  Lots of light?  Music?  Animals?  How do you see anger, frustration and rage dealt with?  What behavior do you want to encourage?  What behavior has no place in your sacred space?  What do you want people to feel when they walk into your house?  In your mind, what makes this – your home – a place YOU want to be, your kids want to be, and your friends and family want to be.

I had to start with what I didn’t want.  I didn’t want a violent home.  I didn’t want an angry home.  Then I could move to what I did want.  I wanted a compassionate home.  A home filled with laughter and music.  A home that encouraged healthy eating, healthy living, books, and singing.  A home that was filled with yummy smells coming from the kitchen.  Even when I was working full time with two small children I would use the slow cooker so that when we all got home, the house was filled with comforting aromas of delicious food.  Eventually, it evolved to me wanting to create a home that was sacred.  One that was filled with love, nurturing and softness.  A place where honesty, integrity, and vulnerability were key.  A place where I didn’t have to worry about having someone’s rage or anger taken out on me – or my children.  A place where my anger wasn’t taken out on another.

Huge AHA moments: 

  • Watching Oprah and her asking the question:  “If a neighbor’s child spills a glass of milk, we say:  It’s not a problem.  But if your own child spills a glass of milk, it becomes a huge deal.  Why don’t we have the same compassion for our children as we have for other’s children?”
  • Hearing my mother’s words or my father’s behaviors come out of me.  The one’s I didn’t want to repeat, anyway.  For example, one night at dinner I got angry at one of my kids and slammed my fist onto the table.  It scared the heck out of ME AND the kids!  This is how I grew up – family dinners filled with anger.  I never slammed the table with my fist again!
  • In a fit of rage, my husband broke the bedroom doors and the door frame.  He stormed out of the house.  My kids came running into my room, jumped in my bed and asked:  “Why is Daddy angry?”  My response:  “Mommy made Daddy angry.  It will be fine.”  Once these words came out of my mouth I knew things in our house had to change.  And, due to a lot of work on my husband’s and my part, no more doors (or anything else) was broken.
  • Realizing that I was expecting my husband to be a mind reader versus me being responsible for speaking my needs. 
  • Having my house become the “No Blame Zone.”  I will never forget the look on my family’s face when I came home from a week at school, Brennan, and announced at dinner that our house was now the “No Blame Zone.”  We were all going to start taking responsibility for our actions or in-actions.  Their jaws dropped.  Their eyes became large.  And, I heard very clearly:  “Uh oh!”
  •  The value of a “Healthy No”.  Boundaries set with love are integral to creating sacred space.  Saying “No” to behaviors, people, and reactions that are not in line with the values YOU work hard to uphold.
  • The “Two Rule Theory”.  Realizing that I had one set of rules for everyone else and another set for me.  It has to be a two way street.  I had to be open to being called out when I break my own rules.  If they can’t yell, I can’t yell.  If they have to hold integrity, I have to hold integrity.  You get it, right?  This is normal behavior – but it is not acceptable behavior!

Time to Call a Family Meeting

If you are living alone, you don’t need to hold a family meeting! 

Get as many magazines and catalogs as you can.  Have scissors, construction paper, markers, glue sticks and other creative “ditties” on hand.  Tell everyone that they are going to create a piece of art of what their home means to them.  Remind them that it’s not about size or things.  It’s about how it feels (or how they want it to feel), smells, represents to them.  What do they love about the house you, as a family, have created. What would they like to change about how the house is run, how people act, how joy is created and anger/frustration is handled.  What room do they like the best?  Why?  Then let the creations begin.  Watch the magic happen as the house that you and your family wants to create comes alive in front of your eyes.  When you are done, have each person explain their art project.  Hang these up in the kitchen or another room that you are all together as a family often.

Sit with these pictures for a while and then call another family meeting.  Do new rules need to be created based on these pictures?  What part does each person in the home contribute to behaviors and values that you don’t want in your sacred space (and their sacred space too)?  How much are each of you willing to change to make this home that you long for a reality?

This is only the beginning of your journey to making your home your sacred space.  It takes a lot of work.  A lot of talking.  A lot of family meetings.  And, most importantly, a willingness and desire to change old habits on every one’s part.  I honor the courage it takes to change.  I honor the self-love it takes to be on this path – creating the home YOU DESERVE! 

Love to you