How To Shift From “No” to “Yes” – Depression & The No Current Part II

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How to Shift from No to Yes is difficult work.  But it is DOABLE!  It can seem that we are “hard wired” into this place of pessimism, judgment, and negativity.  The place makes us feel comfortable (in a “sick” kind of way).  But I can tell you that living in the Yes Current moves you away from Depression and more into Joy.  So, how do you start???

 Don’t Assume.  You know the saying:  Assuming makes an Ass out of U and Me.  Check out the evidence by asking the difficult questions.  The worst thing that happens is that your fears were correct.  Most likely, however, you will get an answer to the questions that you were NOT expecting!

Speak your Truth with Compassion:  I am GREAT at speaking my truth…it’s the compassion part I struggle with!  Tell people how you feel.  Be vulnerable.  If someone says something that hurts your feelings, say so – with compassion.  If you are getting angry, tell yourself AND them before your angers gets out of control.  Don’t just walk away. Don’t just shut up.  Explain WHERE you are and that you need a time out.

Avoidance:  Not knowing is 100 times WORSE than knowing.  If you know how much money is in your back account, then you can let people know if a check is going to bounce or you can’t pay all of your bills.  People appreciate knowing before rather than later!  You will feel more in control when you KNOW.  Facing your worst fears gives you CHOICES.  By waiting for others to decide your fate makes you a victim and reinforces this mentality.  Remember, not knowing (being an ostrich) does not mean that you will forget.  That not knowing and not doing becomes an albatross.  A weight that sits on you and gets heavier as the days go on.  You don’t forget.  Your mind will spiral and obsess with worst case scenarios. 

Empowerment comes from confronting your worst fears and successfully managing what these fears bring.  Fears are NOT rational!  When you stand tall and face your fears you usually find that they are not as scary as you originally thought.  You find that you can come out on the other side of this dark place freer, happier, and lighter.  Finally, once you confront your fears over and over, you begin to trust yourself more.  You believe in your abilities to handle tough times and situations.  You begin to mirror the positive.  You begin to see more and more of the TRUTH about yourself – That you are Strong, Intelligent and Courageous.  You also begin to re-wire the brain from the No to the Yes!!

Blame:  The more we blame, the less we take responsibility for the part we play in this life we have created.  It also reinforces the victim mentality.  Listen to your words.  If you are having a discussion or argument or conflict of any kind, and you are using the words “he, she, & they”  MORE than you are using “I”, then you are in Blame.  You cannot fix another.  You cannot change another.  You can only change yourself.  You CAN change how you react or respond, how you speak, how you look at life, and how you treat YOURSELF and others!

Either/Or Thinking:  When we are triggered (sad, angry, and/or defensive) it is normal to default to either/or thinking.  Everything is a continuum.  If you are only looking at either end of the spectrum, what happened to all of the choices in between?  Empowerment comes from giving yourself LOTS of choices!  When you find that you are in this place, find someone to help you brainstorm and find choices that sit between in this continuum. By thinking outside the box and writing down ALL the choices you have in any given situation, you are reinforcing your ability to choose your future.  Your back was not up against a wall.  No one else is choosing YOUR DESTINY.

 Negative Forecasting:  This promotes a hopelessness that can be difficult to get around.  But, here’s the good news:  1) You don’t KNOW the future!!  You don’t have a glass ball.  2) TODAY and what you do today determines tomorrow.  So, change today and it will change tomorrow.  By staying in the present you can make better, more conscious, positive, and effective choices.  Start the Yes Current today – or work to shift out of the No Current – and it brings the Yes Current closer to you tomorrow…  You are the co-creator of your destiny.  Be excited – tomorrow CAN bring miracles.  I am living proof!

 Using your Curious Witness to monitor your language:  The use of absolutes is a guarantee that you are in the No Current.  Absolutes are:  Always, Never, No One, Every One, Must, Have to, Supposed to, etc.  Hear yourself being negative about life and change your language.  Say something positive.  Look in the mirror, look at your friend, look at strangers and ask yourself to SEE something beautiful, loving and wonderfully POSITIVE about yourself and them.  It only takes one new perspective a day to shift from No to Yes.

 Pessimism – Seeing the glass half empty:  Looking for flaws.  Demanding perfection for self or others.  Using your eyes to see the imperfect, the shadow, the negative possibilities or negative outcomes.  Use your eyes to see ALL the possibilities.  There will probably be as many positive possible outcomes in any situation.  When you really OPEN your eyes to the positive, you will see the beautiful, light, and joyous things, traits, body parts, etc. staring right at you waiting to be seen acknowledged, accepted, and cherished! 

 Negative Self-Talk:  This is that little voice that lives in our head and tells you that you are:  fat, a failure, a loser, ugly, stupid, etc.  This is your Super Ego and it is your inner critic.  It holds all the negative thoughts and words that have been said to you throughout your life.  Our super ego has been given to us because it has a very important job.  It is meant to keep us in our place so that we don’t get hurt.  If you don’t try, then you can’t fail….  It makes sense in a messed up kind of way.  One of your  goals can be to not let the super ego “drive your bus”.  Don’t let it be the decision maker or the basis for the decisions you make.  Here’s the hard truth –  the super ego is not going to go away.  You can develop a relationship with it, however.  You can hear it, acknowledge it, thank it – but let it know that you are not going to listen to it today.  So, if you hear:  You are fat, gross.  (Inotherwords, how can anyone find you attractive and love you).  Find something that you LOVE about your body:  “I love my eyes, because they big, brown, and expressive. “  Hear it.  Re-Name it.  Shift.  It IS that easy!

This can seem overwhelming, so start with one or two items that seem to be your biggest challenges and do a little work in shifting your attitude, language, and outlook each day.  Like Buddha said, the journey of one thousand miles begins with the first step!  Keep putting one foot in front of the other.  I believe in you!

Love to you