From Shame to Destiny – SEX, Sex, sex – Part I

in Blog Testimonials

Image for From Shame to Destiny – SEX, Sex, sex – Part I

“Good girls do not have sex before they are married.  Men are all the same.  All they want is sex.  Don’t let men touch you,”  says my father.  “I was a virgin when I married your father,”  says my mother.  “Boys can’t control themselves if you get them excited.  Don’t TOUCH their penis!  It will be your fault if things go too far and you aren’t ready, ” says my Mother.  Be afraid of the penis.  Step away from the penis!

 “You are too boy crazy.  That is all you think about.  You need to stay home and learn to cook and clean,”  says my father.  “Good girls are quiet.  Good girls don’t have (want & like) sex.  Good girls know how to cook.  Good girls take care of their fathers.  Good girls don’t date until they are 18.  Good girls……”

When I was a little girl, I was Daddy’s princess.  I had the frilly dresses.  I had long hair.  I ADORED my Daddy!  He was my Knight in Shining Armor.  Then I grew up.  I found boys.  Boys were intriguing.  Boys made me tingle – and I didn’t know why.  I stayed a virgin until I was 18.  I was the last of my friends to lose their virginity.  Unfortunately, my father had painted me a slut and whore from the time I was 14 because I was “boy crazy”.  It didn’t matter that it wasn’t true…to him.  By the time I was 18 I had given up on my father.  He had fallen off his white horse.  His armor was dented and tarnished.  I was no longer his little princess, and he was no longer my hero. 

By the time I was 18 my beliefs around sex were:

1.  Be afraid of the penis!  It is ugly.  Men lose control.  It is your fault if you are raped.

2.  If you enjoy sex before you are married, you are a whore.

3.  If you enjoy sex – you are NOT a good girl!  Other things are more important – keeping a clean house and cooking a good, delicious meal.

4.  A “good” girl is preferable to a “bad” girl.  (Bad girls enjoy sex).

5.  Only “good” men like “good” girls.

6.  It is important to “hook” a “good” man because then you will be taken care of.  You won’t have to worry about working.  You will have all of you financial needs met.

7.  Definition of a “Good Girl” – They don’t talk about sex.  They don’t initiate sex.  They don’t necessarily want to have sex.  They are sweet, kind, happy, serving, giving, and their only focus is taking care of their husbands, children, and home.  They are subservient.  They are willing.  They don’t spend too much money.  They are GREAT cooks.  They keep a clean house.  They make a “mean” marinara sauce!!!

God, I loved making love.  I was fortunate enough to have listened to my mother and waited until I loved with all my heart.  My first love and I were both virgins.  But it was still wonderful, intriguing, yummy, and I wanted more, more, more!  Oh, God.  I was doomed.  And, more worse (not great english!), I was curious!!!  What would other men do?  How do other men make love?  Does size matter?  Does width matter?  How can I be in love with one man and be sexually attracted to another?  “I AM A WHORE!!!  My father was right!”

By the age of 21 I had condemned myself as evil.  I was the “bad” girl that my father had talked about.  I found myself attracted to numerous men; to bad boys; in violent relationships; and in destructive relationships.  And I blamed it all on my love of sex.  So, I did what I thought was the right thing to do…. I decided that I was going to be the “Good Girl”. 

I “caught” a wonderful man.  A “good” boy from a wealthy family. Blond, blue eyed, apple pie eating, mid-western thinking (and living), honest and true, ambitious gentleman.  He didn’t require a lot of sex.  It wasn’t about the length of time that we had sex.  It wasn’t about the quality of sex.  It WASN’T about sex at all.  For the first time in my life, I could run in front of a man in a negligee or naked and not get a response… “He MUST be a “good” boy,” I decided.

“I am a good girl….I am a good girl…”  This was my mantra.  As I told my husband years later:  “I am so sorry.  You thought you were marrying Marianne (of Gilligan’s Island), but you really got Ginger.  If you have never seen a re-run of Gilligan’s Island, Marianne was the good, sweet, kind, clean, humble, smart, and quiet woman stuck on the island.  She wore pig-tails and always had a smile on her face.  Ginger, was the beautiful, seductive, sexual, manipulative, vaa-vaa-voom actress.  She wore sexy, tight and sparkly dresses and always had a smile too (but this smile said SEX!!!).

So, how did Marianne become Ginger you ask?  How did I go from thinking I was naughty, dirty, whorish and evil to LOVING my sensualityand sexuality??  See Part II of this series!!!

Love to you.